the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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