did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
