Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
