you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
