I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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