I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
