You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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