it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
