Your mouth is God's brothel.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize