dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize