I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
