I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
