Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
