Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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