i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Shame - the story of my life.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
