Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
