So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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