I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
