I got chris browned last night
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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