I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
