Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
