I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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