Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
