When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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