Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
