Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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