Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
