You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
