yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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