if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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