I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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