she was so not down for the gang bang
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
