You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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