mondays should just be called national damage control day
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
this hospital has no fireball
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
