Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
