He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
