brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
