she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
