it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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