You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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