if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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