You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
