Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can't put those talents on a resume
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
