My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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