that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
