So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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