You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
