It was confusing and full of hummus
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
