She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
