you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You're like the curious george of whores
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
