Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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