Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
