got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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