Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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