summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
