apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
