I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
