i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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