Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
