Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
