so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
