four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
