ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
