MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
