So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
