is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
did i just pee glitter
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
