Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
