You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
