those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
